Grief is a life-long process. From my experience, it is one of pain, sorrow, and unexpected waves of emotion where I can cry like it just happened.
Recently, I completed a training to become a Certified Grief Therapist. The training was very informative but left me in moments where I was very much reflective on how I’ve been handling my own grieving process.
Back in December 2017, I lost my mother. Then in June 2018, I lost my dad, to what can only be described as a broken heart because of my mother’s passing. Six months and three days apart, is all the time I had in between losing them. To say it was difficult, is an understatement.
You could never prepare for someone’s passing, whether they were sick or if it was a sudden death, the pain that comes along with the loss, is nothing that you can completely prepare for. The pain for me, was and still is unbelievably difficult. I literally try to be okay with them being gone: EVERY SINGLE DAY.
I can remember at times when I was growing up, that there were times, when I heard my dad telling my mom about who should die first. I can chuckle at this now, but it was a strange conversation to hear. One day, I asked him why he tells her that. His reply was that if she died before him, he would not be able to take it.
There are days when I can grieve for one and days when I grieve for the other. On those days when I grieve for the both of them at the same time: let’s just say that this is when GRIEF pronounces itself in OVERWHELMING ways, and it hits me with waves of different emotions.
On these days, I push through and find my peace by using a variety of coping mechanisms, and in reflecting on what I would describe as my parents being the best comedians. The memories of their joke telling (without even trying) makes me chuckle out of the blue and I find joy in knowing that I had the best of times with them. Remember that grief is a natural feeling and to feel how you feel when you feel it.
Let the waves of emotions wash over you and always remember that you’re not alone. Grief is a part of our mental health. Grief will touch every one of us, at some moment in time. Grief should not be ignored, and at times it needs to be addressed with the help of a mental health professional. Please remember that there is no shame in grieving and no shame in seeking help.
Natalie J. Lewis is a marriage and family therapist licensed in the U.S. Virgin Islands, Florida, Georgia and Virginia. She is a proud graduate of St. Croix Central High School (“The Classic Class”- Go Caribs) and Nova Southeastern University (Go Sharks).
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Op-ed
